Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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