batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
