Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
