Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
