you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
