This dress was meant to end up on your floor
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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