He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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