I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
