My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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