i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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