so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
