3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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