I need help removing her.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
