I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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