What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think a kid would responsible me up
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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