i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
