I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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