In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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