I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
