when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
