He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
