absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
