Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
