did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
