Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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