i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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