I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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