By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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