We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
