There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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