honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
