I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
