I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
