Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
