Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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