Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
