I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
