our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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