would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
