i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize