you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
