he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
