Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
