Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
