My pussy is not your playground.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
