FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
