If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
