i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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