Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
