From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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